Thursday, October 10, 2013

On Love and Marriage

So, I definitely should be in bed right now. But despite reading an article recently stating that night owls died earlier than early risers, I've not been able to break that habit.

For some reason I've been introspective recently. It happens sometimes. I've been thinking about relationships, marriage in particular. It tough, you know? But it's amazing, all at the same time. I think that it is not that easy to stay in love with someone for years and years and years. It is much easier to let another person who passes you by catch your eye. But your reward for that effort is tremendous. To have someone to stand by you, through thick and thin. To have someone that, no matter what, is there. Someone that you can be completely vulnerable with. You can voice your fears, desires, anxieties, and dreams. And they won't laugh or think you're weak or deranged or anything other than just you. No front. No pretense. Just you.

And it really has to be about you and that other person. No matter where life takes you. It's no longer about you, per se. It's about the plural you. As a couple. So if one person gets an amazing opportunity in Nebraska (which according to Charlie's grandma may as well be Alaska) you go. And you embrace it. Even if you don't immediately have a job or a place there. How hard must it be for him to tell people in this little town that he "works in my office" right now? We are living in a place where a lady doctor is a rarity, let alone a house husband so-to-speak. And his help in the office is undeniable. He has such a better business mind than me. And he's worked in corporate America, so he's a lot better at personnel stuff than I am. He has thrown his whole self into making sure that I - that we- are successful here. And he's there when we walk at night and I say, "What if I'm not cut out to be a surgeon? What if I can't do this?" And he says, "Then we'll figure it out. But I think you're cut out for it."

When I left residency everyone told me how brave I was. To go out and just do this. Take over a practice. Jump right in. I think that I am often the brave one that is willing to take the leap. I'm always ready to just drive in, head first. No matter what it is. But I think that it is Charlie that finishes it out for us. He's the one that is the steady voice. The optimistic voice. If it was up to me I feel like I'd crumble into an anxious ball of nerves. But he's the voice that says, "you can do this. I know you can. And if you don't believe me, ask someone else, but I think you can."

He is not perfect. Neither am I. We fight sometimes. But not like we used to. Over the last 12 years or so we've learned a thing or two about relating to each other. But I feel so blessed to have found someone like him. Someone who's idea of what a marriage aligns with mine. Someone who is in it for the long haul. Someone who understands that there is an order in things, and that our marriage needs to come before almost anything else in this world, because without that, what do we have really?

I just wish that it was something that people were guaranteed to experience in life. Because it's a different kind of relationship than any other. And I would not trade it for anything.


Tammie said...

So, I read this a couple of days ago and wanted to comment that I agree wholeheartedly with everythng you say. It is normal to feel attracted from time to time to someone other than your husband, but the rewards of a long term relationship outweigh any short term thing. That being said I would never think that staying in a relationship that wasn't life affirming is the way to go. I am a little sleep deprived this morning so I will comment more later. Love, you MOM

KB said...

Totally agree. Can't wait to see you this weekend even if it will be cut short/slightly rushed.