Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Be Right Back

The test is Saturday...

Oh, for it to be April and all of this studying to be over...

Friday, March 16, 2012

Early Spring

The weather has been so nice, it's been impossible to be in a bad mood!

Our lanterns outside

The ducks have returned to Schiller Park!

So crazy, by mid summer this little island looks like a jungle!

Trees are blooming already

I will be sad to leave Columbus some day...

In our own garden the crocuses have already bloomed. The daffodils, tulips, lilac and hyacinth are on their way, and the peonies, lillies, and bleeding heart have already started to poke their little heads out. Our vegetables are inside still, but lettuce, cucumber, peppers, basil, squash, and tomatoes have already started to sprout.

Here's to spring, the most wonderful time of the year!:)

"Our journey as human beings is not about following a pre-ordained path, but about creating that path. Life rarely makes any more sense when things are done 'in order'. Life makes sense when we are centered in our own hearts and we let go of resisting how our unique journey needs to unfold in its own beautifully unruly way."
- Christine Mason Miller

Saturday, March 10, 2012


When you have a miscarriage, there are a lot of emotions that go through you. From one minute to the next you feel OK, then sad, then angry, then despondent, then afraid, and then you look outside and see the sunshine and feel OK again, and around and around it goes.

I think that it's easy for women to blame themselves when something like this happens. Like what could I have done differently? Is there something wrong with me? What if I can't ever have kids? So much fear swells up inside of you and you have crazy irrational thoughts that don't do anything but make you feel worse about things.

The other day I was sitting with Charlie and feeling sad. And afraid. What if I couldn't have kids? What if we couldn't have kids? We both have always wanted them. And I said to him, "Would you have married me if you had known this was going to happen?"

He looked at me, without any hesitation, and said, "I want to have kids, but I want to be with you more."

This is a tough time for the both of us. But I am lucky to have someone to sit with me and support me through this. It would be easy to write off my insecurity about this and just say I was being ridiculous. But sometimes, even though you know in your head that something is ridiculous, you just need someone else to acknowledge that it is a legitimate feeling and put your mind at ease.

Each day is a little bit better. I got a care package from my littlest sister yesterday, which made my day. I don't know how she knew we were planning on starting our garden this weekend, but she sent me a package with the coolest gardening gloves I've ever seen, seeds, lotion, bubble bath, chocolate, and an gift card for my Kindle.

I'm lucky to have so many people who love and care about me. I'm looking forward to putting this behind me and moving on with my life:)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

One week

So it has been a week since my second D&C of my life.

I feel OK physically, I just wish the sinking feeling in my chest would go away.

With time I suppose.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

It just doesn't seem fair

Most of you know what a stellar day this has been. I'm glad Charlie is on his way home.

It just doesn't seem fair. Doesn't seem to make sense. How can people who abuse their bodies - drink, do drugs, etc... have babies that turn out fine, and I can't seem to do the same?

Not fair. This whole thing takes so much out of a person. I am starting to feel like I don't want to try again because I don't want to go through this again.

I know that is not rational thinking. But right now that is how it feels.